Yes, We Do Grieve Our Old Lives

[gerald]

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Yes, We Do Grieve Our Old Lives

By Janet Plank—August 17, 2017

A couple of years ago on a grieving site, a person wanted to grieve her old life. Some on the site said that this was for grieving because someone died. This lady said that she was grieving because she died, her old life died.

This triggered quite a thought process in me. I agree with that lady. Our old lives have died. We live a new life. We too go through the grieving process:

Denial:

This can’t be real. It can’t be happening to me. How could I get this? I didn’t smoke. I didn’t smoke very much. If I would have quit sooner. Wouldn’t I have known sooner? After time, you may realize that it probably is real and you probably have it or something like it. Whatever it is, COPD, asthma or just a cold.

Anger:

Why did this happen to me? It’s the cigarette companies fault; they keep pushing them on us and making them more addictive. I can’t help that I grew up around other people that smoked or worked in a place that had chemicals. That person smoked more than I did, why did I get COPD?

Bargaining:

God, if you take this away, I’ll pray more often or give more money to charity. Praying to whoever might be listening that you will do better if the COPD is gone. Going from doctor to doctor to find a diagnosis that says there is no COPD.

Depression:

How do I go on like this? No one understands. I don’t want to tell my family, I don’t want them to worry, who will I talk to? They probably wouldn’t understand anyway. It’s so hard to do things, no one will want to help. I’m so tired, I don’t want to get up. My anxiety has really gone up and I’m more prone to panic attacks.

Acceptance:

This is my new life, I have living to do. I am going to find a COPD group. I am going to talk to a therapist to help me through these adjustments in my life. I am going to find a way to help my family understand and maybe find a group for them. I am going to participate in what I can and what I can’t, I’ll ask for photos and find something pleasant for me to do, maybe watch a movie so I can rest and relax. I’ll do the best I can and on the bad days, I’ll give myself approval to do only what I can do. I’ll make sure that no matter what, I will get up and move around periodically; if I can’t get up, I’ll sit or lay in my bed and move my hands and feet, legs and arms. Today I’ll look out and see the sun and know that it’s a brand new day, one to be celebrated and I’ll smile.

I believe we grieve with everything that alters our lives. I can see some things that I struggle with and have trouble letting go of. Being human, let’s us go through so many things in our lives; it helps us to be who we are. Yes, we do grieve any life changing things, until we can let go and accept them we stay stuck. If we allow ourselves to grieve, we will get to the place of acceptance and we will be able to open a new chapter in our lives and go on, to whatever we find, in our journey of life

copd.net/living/grieve-old-lives/

[lavishgail]

Boy can I relate!

[joany]

A few highlights I can handle:

Aug 30, 2017 10:31:42 GMT -5 gerald said:

Acceptance:

This is my new life, I have living to do. I am going to participate in what I can and what I can’t,

-  I’ll... find something pleasant for me to do, maybe watch a movie so I can rest and relax.
-  I’ll do the best I can and on the bad days, I’ll give myself approval to do only what I can do.
-  I’ll make sure that no matter what, I will get up and move around periodically; if I can’t get up, I’ll sit or lay in my bed and move my hands and feet, legs and arms.
-  Today I’ll look out and see the sun and know that it’s a brand new day, one to be celebrated and I’ll smile.

Worth repeating. I streamlined this to make it my daily mantra.

[John]

Thank You Gerald and Joany for the condensed version. 

[David]

I like your mantra, Joany. I feel the same way.

[lavishgail]

Me to Joany. I try to do something everyday, even if its just getting out if bed. Thanks all of you.

[jade]

When I was diagnosed I was pissed off.

[Suzanne (Suz)]

I was in denial, then pissed off too, then scared, then.... so many emotions. I have grown in the last 9 years.

[David]

Sept 14, 2017 2:28:56 GMT -5 jade said:

When I was diagnosed I was pissed off.

Yeah me too. Knowing it was work related from the oilfield and the FDA would not let the doctors prove it by one simple allergy test. Plus I had to quit my job. I was very pissed off.

[sharon]

yes I grieve my old life everyday. I try very hard to look on a bright side but it gets so hard. I was just thinking about this today and came on here and there it is, exactly how I feel. I get so depressed living like this. It is getting so hard to do even the simplest things. Even taking a shower is getting hard. Makes me scared as to what the future is going to bring.
People think I  look good but do not see my struggle to even take a simple walk or doing anything. I am glad you people here at least understand. Sorry I just felt the need to whine to someone today, someone who understands how it feels not to be able to breathe and struggle every day. I put things off all the time cause I know its going to be a sob struggle, and it is so uncomfortable to be short of breath. thanks for listening, hugs to you all

[David]

I feel the same way Sharon. I get worried when I bend over and pick something up and I am slap out of breath. I think to my self, this ain't right. People are going about their business and don't see me struggling to do the least little things. I look at them and know that my lungs must be in really bad shape.

I just have to accept it and most the time I am happy but it is easy to get depressed if one is not careful. I think that having to shower is my biggest fear. I do sit and shower and just about stand and drip dry. Can't figure out why a shower takes so much energy.

[gerald]

What we have makes everything a challenge in our day to day lives. 
At the same time I have taken the freedom to abandon something I used to hold as critical. 


I used to take my shoes off everytime I came in the house, I don't anymore; the floor will clean up.

I no longer dress up to go and eat in a restaurant, I make sure my cloths are neat and clean, but work
clothes or dress clothes don't change how the meal tastes; or the pleasure of company of the person you are with.

I am now able to focus on what I consider important, to make sure I use the breaths that I have where
they make a difference in my life.

The dishes can sit in the sink until the next trip into the kitchen.

Next I think I will by one of those nice full length  Teri-cloth spa robes to help dry off from a shower
instead of trying to use a towel!!

[barb7330]

all. I can certainly relate...I have to push myself to do anything or go anywhere as I get so SOB. and have to use oxygen most of the time when I'm out and about.
I've been having a problem with depression as well...Spent about 3 days crying. Finally went to Drs and she put me on Ativan as I get stressed over the least little thing. Hopefully they will help.
Well off to get some cleaning done...work for 5 minutes and sit for 10 to get breathe back.......what a life.




Hope you all 

[David]

Barb, the Ativan sure helped me. I was having bad panic attacks when I got short of breath. I fill much better this year since I have been taking them. I have 2 MG which I cut in half and take one in the morning and one in the evening. I take them everyday. It sure did improve my breathing. I take Tramadol along with the Ativan. Two 50 MG a day which I cut in half and take a half four times a day. So twice a day I take one half with an Ativan and the other two half Tramadol I take in between. I hope that makes sense. I have had the best year than I have had in a long time.

[joany]

Sept 21, 2017 19:14:30 GMT -5 David said:

Barb, the Ativan sure helped me. I was having bad panic attacks when I got short of breath. I fill much better this year since I have been taking them. ... I have had the best year than I have had in a long time.

Great!!

David, I noticed that your mood had definitely changed after you mentioned speaking to your Dr about your panic attacks.  I stole a page from your book which is why we all need to stay engaged - you just never know.  Prior, I hadn't related my accelerated shortness of breath to panic attacks.  I spoke to my Dr. (unusual for me, but I'm working on it) who prescribed an anti-depressant which has reduced the anxiety which has reduced the panic attacks which has toned down the shortness of breath.

My new pulmonologist has a 2-page questionnaire for patients to fill out while waiting for their appointment.  For me, it's a great idea because it forces me to re-think my concerns since my previous appointment.  I'm lousy with taking an issues list - I just want to get out of there!!  I know its stupid, but...

[David]

Joany, there has been a big change in me. I can tell. Last year I was ready to call in Hospice and did have a nurse come to my house to see if I needed Hospice. At the same time I started Ativan and I felt better and the nurse determined I did not need Hospice or Palliative care. That was in December.

For the past 9 months I have been doing really well. The medicine is working. If I miss taken it I can tell.

I didn't really know how much anxiety and panic played a role in my life until I got the right medicine. There are lots of medicine out there for anxiety and depression. One really needs to talk to their doctor if the are experiencing any of this. It does effect your breathing.

[Suzanne (Suz)]

There is so much great information in this post - I love it. I think the main thing to focus on is trying to determine if we have anxieties or depression or we are just stressed out. This is something I will more than likely come back and visit and look at the possibilities that are out there. #1: Speak to your doctor about all your symptoms. #2: Don't be afraid and try something new - who knows it may help you. #3: If the first drug/therapy/herb or oils don't work - don't give up and try something else. #4: It's not because we have COPD we have to give in - but we must try to find a way to cope.

I love you guys and I hope one day I am as strong as all of you and follow the advice on this board.

[annamartes]

Wow!

I can relate.

I practice gratitude. But, some would be surprised by what I am grateful for.

When a mishap occurs and I have to bend over or go to another room to get something. I stop my irritation before it begins, take a deep breath, and express my gratitude for the mishap because bending over and walking is exercise.

I am grateful for ants. (they are prevalent where I live.) They make me pay attention to small details. They make me a better housekeeper. They tell me if it´s going to rain or if there is storm approaching.

These are just two examples, but if anyone heard me, talking to myself when something happens. Because I express gratitude almost every hour.

My latest unique experience was at the dentist. Basically, after the anesthesia was administered, I passed out. But, the dentist and his staff took me to the emergency room. I recovered in about 2 hours. But, now I have new information about how I react to anesthesia. Not sure what the solution will be yet, but I may learn something helpful. Need to, because I still need dental work to be completed :-) On one hand, the work the dentist had completed prior to the incident may have cleared up a lingering infection.

[annamartes]

Because I had to move several times, I had to give up my books, I had rooms and rooms of books. I truly mourn their loss everyday.