Have to Live With Regret- Mary C

[Blossom/Jackie W.]

Have to live with regret?
« Thread Started on Feb 26, 2011, 5:35pm »

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How many of us go through life brow-beating ourselves over the "woulda's, shoulda's & coulda's?" We think we should have done this, said that or even done a better job at ______ (you fill in the blank). How much do you allow these thoughts to control you?

I'm as guilty as the next one with allowing those thoughts to overpower me, especially after Doug passed away. I thought of days and times I should have done something different, should have told him something more......what if I would have cared more.....you get the picture. Those thoughts can literally eat you up to where that's all you hear running through your head. But I finally came to the place where I was able to accept that I had done the best I could.....I couldn't have loved him more than I did....I probably wasn't the model caregiver, but who is? It sure wasn't a job I signed up for. I'm not saying that I've completely buried those thoughts because they still crop up every so often.....but now I have the arsenal to know I did my best.

How are you in this situation? Do you have any positive self-talk you could share with others? I don't want to see anyone have to live their life with regrets that can lead them to self-destruction. Is this something you have, or are, struggling with?

I'll leave you with a comment that I've never forgotten. This came from a counselor I was talking with, discussing some issues and was actually a turning point to me realizing just how much I must talk this way (thus, feel this way). He looked me in the eye and said, "Mary, if you're not careful, you're gonna 'should' yourself to death."

Hugs,

Mary