|
|
Post by al on Dec 5, 2014 1:18:50 GMT -5
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little *******.
Bites!
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 thingyer Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
**** And the WINNER is... ****
FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I went into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.
On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses.
On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in.
I say to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
He replies: " Get out, you're on my side "
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
|
|
|
|
Post by al on Dec 5, 2014 1:22:06 GMT -5
An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired old mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat.
He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.
As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, can you dance?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No son, I don't dance... never really wanted to"
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!" and started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.
Everybody standing around was laughing..
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and cocked both hammers.
The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.
The silence was deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12 gauge barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said;
"Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir... but.... I've always wanted to"
There are a few lessons for all of us here: *Don't be arrogant. *Don't waste ammunition. *Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are. *Always make sure you know who is in control...*And finally, Don't mess around with old folks; they didn't get old by being stupid....
I just love a story with a happy ending, don't you?
|
|
|
|
Post by John on Dec 5, 2014 11:43:34 GMT -5
Good ones All Hope all is well !
|
|
|
|
Post by David on Dec 5, 2014 17:23:25 GMT -5
|
|
