Some you’ve heard before and some are new but they all apply to older people
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD, AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
George Phillips, an elderly man from
Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked
"Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are
breaking into my garden shed and
stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All
patrols are busy, you should lock your
doors and an officer will be along when one is available"
George said, "Okay."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.
"
, I just called you a few seconds
ago because there were people stealing things from my shed.
Well, you don't have to worry about
them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are eating them right now," and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a
SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire
Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance
showed up at the Phillips' residence,
and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George,
"I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said
there was nobody available!"
(True Story)
Don't mess with old people
A few more chuckles for seniors:
GETTING OLDER
A distraught senior citizen
phoned her doctor's
office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know,
"that the medication
you prescribed has to be taken
for the rest of my life?"
"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor
told her.
There was a moment of silence
Before the senior lady replied,
"I'm wondering, then,
just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is
marked 'NO REFILLS'.."
***********************
An older gentleman was
on the operating table
awaiting surgery
and he insisted that his son,
a renowned surgeon,
perform the operation.
As he was about to get the
anesthesia, he asked to speak
to his son.
"Yes, Dad , what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son;
do your best,
and just remember,
if it doesn't go well,
if something happens to me,
your mother
is going to come and
live with you and your wife...."
(I LOVE IT!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aging:
Eventually you will reach a point
when you stop lying about your
age and start bragging about it.
This is so true.
I love to hear them say
"you don't look that old."
---------------------------------
The older we get,
the fewer things
seem worth waiting for in line.
(Mostly because we forgot why we
were waiting in line in the first place)
---------------------------------
Some people
try to turn back their odometers.
Not me!
I want people to know why
I look this way.
I've traveled a long way
and some of the roads weren't
paved.
********************
When you are dissatisfied
and would like to go back to youth,
think of Algebra.
-------------------------------
One of the many things
no one tells you about aging
is that it is such a nice change
from being young.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Ah, being young is beautiful,
but being old is comfortable.
*********
First you forget names,
then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up
your zipper... it's worse when
you forget to pull it down.
````````````````
, I just called you a few seconds
