I'm sorry - didn't fully understand....

[spike99]

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On a different forum, I just read a post from depressed wife who posted something very "heart touching" about her husband. Her husband endured a back injury 2 years ago and is now disabled for life. He's in so much daily pain, pain killers barely take the edge off. He's in bed most of the time and it's an olympic event struggle just to make his way to the bedroom's attached washroom, and back to bed again. Doctors are poking and probing and still haven't determined that best course of correction - if it can be done. His wife and kids are upset because he's been like this for 2+ years. He's in massive pain every day, he can no longer do general house maintenance tasks (can't even take out a light weight garbage bag to the curb) and can no longer take his wife and kids camping. He can't even attend his kid's 8th grade graduation because the pain levels won't allow him to drive and sit for a few hours. She wants him to perform the same normal things he's done for the last 15 years - that he could do before his back accident 2 years ago.

For those of you who are bed bound, wheel chair bound or can no longer do 100% of things you used to do because of your lung problems, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that your health problems made your body less then 100% functional as well. Never realized that when one partner goes down (sort of speaking), it really does impact the entire family. Impacts in all areas of life. Something I didn't fully understand - until I read the long term situation from a dedicated wife's perspective.

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[morningstar]

Spike,

I am more bed bound than not. But, you didn't upset me. You have been kind and very caring where I am concerned. Most of us don't talk about it much because we have learned how to have a good life even though. Is it easy no its not. Do I want to scream and shout almost on a daily bases yes I do. But, for me I had two choice in life. I could lay here and drown in self pity and the why me attitude or I could fight to walk. Fight to live. The one thing I wanted was a shower. I worked hard and I got my shower. On a shower chair but a shower no more just washing I could feel the water running over my body. The memory of the first one after a year or so maybe a little less will be something I cherish forever. My first goal. Have I had a few set backs sure I have. But I still get my showers. Like my mom use to tell me what don't kill you in life will make you stronger. I refused to let it kill me.

Is there pain? Yes lots of it with the problems I have. But I wake up every morning with a new chance to make my life better. And I will bet I do more being bed bound than a lot who is up walking around.

Spike you don't need to say your sorry to anyone. Life is hard ,oh but Spike it sure is worth the pain. Like Garth Brooks says in the song. I could have missed the pain. But, I would have had to miss the dance.

I am dancing Spike. If only in my mind.

Happy Trails

[Blossom/Jackie W.]

Spike; the intent behind your post was/is warm and kind. Thank you.

We all have different things in life that we shoulder or bear; for some it's more obvious or physical. For others it's internal. I've yet to know anyone who doesn't have a cross or crosses (for lack of a better word) Look at you ....and your son.

Your sentiments and expression of same deserves a hug. So here it is (((((((((((((HUGS))))))))

[spike99]

Now that I reflect back in life, that desperate wife's post did hit me hard. Probably because recently in my family, my wife had a major accident with her knee (was "sofa bound" for weeks) and the future back surgery for my son. And the need to get a wheel chair sticker on our transport vehicle for my wife and son. While my wife was on her back (while restricted to our sofa for weeks), I had to perform that week's grocery shopping at lunch time. I'm in the store, in the correct isle, looking at cereal boxes and on my cell phone. Like an unexperienced male, I'm asking my wife if she wants the large box or small box on a specific brand. Then, going over to the next isle (while still on my cell phone) to confirm what type of soup she wants me to get. Thus, I too felt the many hardships of what the other person must endure (to provide for themselves and for their mate). Something that you can read over and over but never feel yourself - unless one has "been there - done that and wish it was different".

Sorry to mumble on.... Just realized I connected a few dots and came to the realization that "wow - it really is hard to cover for both one's own self and their partner. One's less then 100% health really does impact the entire family".

If you cover for a person in your family, I want to personally Thank You. Doing "double duty" is appreciated by many. Especially from strangers - who see each of you as role models.... Way to GO!!! PS. Tom: Thank you for taking care of your Rosemarie.

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[kygal]

Spike,

What awesome posts! It sometimes is a rude awakening when we realize we're trying to shoulder the bulk of the burdens but we do it because we love our spouses (or whomever) so much that it's not so much a burden. Do we get tired and cranky? Do we get overwhelmed? You betcha! But, if we have an opportunity to express our grief, anger or whatever emotions without the other seeing it, it's better for everyone.

So, as a caregiver trying to shoulder it all right now, I thank you for your "thank you" and welcome it. And a huge thanks to everyone who participates on this site showing love, care and concern for each other. That's what makes this site such a special place!

Hugs,

Mary

[morningstar]

Hi Mary,

Good to see you post. How is your husband? How are you doing ? I miss seeing you post. Come in and just vent tha is what we are here for. I wish you both well.

Happy Trails

[LindaNY]

Spike, you are an extremely sensitive man who is cherished by his family and friends. ((((hugs))))

Rosie, you have a wonderful attitude.

Thank you both for your thoughts.

[cocojax]

I am overwhelmed by my husbands gentle care of me. He does not want me to see him cry about what is going on because he thinks it would upset me, and it does. A big huge hug from me to all the spouses, partners, family and caregivers you are a special breed. That does not mean you do not have the right to b***h and chew at times, because you are human, and you are taking on a tremendous job by caring for a sick one.