Dear Friends

[Blossom/Jackie W.]

I sure could use your prayers right now.

On Wednesday I have to go in for another CT scan. The comparative scan should have been done 2 –3 months ago but a breakdown in communication between 2 labs and a Dr meant the two spots on my lungs that were seen back in December, never got reported or checked on until 3 weeks ago. One is a mass (I believe) the other is a nodule. (I never would have even gotten a scan originally had I not been in a clinical study; the scan was part of it.)

I’m sorry I couldn’t/didn’t share with you sooner; God knows I really wanted and needed to; but; a few of our forum family members were going through some bumpy times, plus, we each needed this grieving time for Phil. .

I found out about my problem the same day I rushed down to the hospital to see our friend (the day before he passed away). The call from my Dr’s office came in as I was headed out the door. He (the Pulmo Dr)had me stop at the clinic en route. They did another quick breathing test, checked a few other things, (my HR was way up there…duh…) then he came in and laid the bombshell; including a discussion on best and worse case scenarios….I left there, probably in shock, and headed over to see Phil. I think I probably remained in a numb type of shock for a week, between that news, knowing I was saying good bye to a friend, his passing the next morning, my concern about his forum, and the week of the funeral.

Am I nervous? You bet I am. Angry too but I can’t turn back the clock and I don’t want to waste my energy on something I can’t change. I had checked several times re: the original scan and always heard “we haven’t heard anything”. After 45 days I figured I was in the clear. NOT!

So; my friends…..please say a prayer for me though I won’t know the outcome for at least another day thereafter. If you’re not a religious person, send me positive thoughts. I could really use them and I will carry you all with me in my mind’s eye during the scan and through to the results.

Thank You….

[the bear]

Dear Jackie; No wonder your e-mails slowed down. I knew you were busy and I never thought this. You truly have dropped a bombshell in our laps. That being said I know you think of us as family, and we are. We are here because of your dedication and single minded devotion to do something for others.

Now it is time for others to do for you. I am sending you all my hugs and warm feelings, and prayers above all that the worst case scerario just does not come to pass. Hugz, as ever, bear.

[John]

Dear Jackie :
(((((((((((((((( Jackie ))))))))))))))))
MY prayers and thoughts go with today and everyday . May God bless you with needed strengths during this jouerney.

[morningstar]

You and I have already talked. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[bobbioh]

Jackie,Im so sorry.I will be praying for you. And sending you happy thoughts. Hang in there girl! And if you need some time for yourself please rest assured we will keep it going here for you. If there is anything I can do for you at all PLEASE let me know. Take care we all love you and will be praying hard for good results.bobbioh

[cocojax]

Jackie Dear, never ever think that our bumps in the road prevent you or anyone else from sharing, we all have very broad shoulders in this group, and we are here for you. I am already thinking very positive thoughts for you and here is a hug from my heart !

Take care Boss Lady cause I'm also dropping lots of love your way !

[virginia]

Oh, Jackie..Hope you dont mind i cried when i read your post..You have always meant so much to me...And I'm sure everyone else..You have
gone many extra miles for people.. and i know you will be ok..I can only imagine what you have been going through...I will be praying for you...Please let us know..Love you...virginia The name of my picture is God watching over us!!!

[LindaNY]

Oh Jackie (((((hugs))))) You have my thoughts, prayers and good wishes.

It's unfortunate that you had such slip shod treatment. We really all need to be our own health care advocates and demand quality care.

[cheryl]

Jackie -- Know that we are always here for you anytime you need us. Sending good postiive thoughts your way. Hoping you receive some good news from the doctor. Anything you need - just ask.

[Blossom/Jackie W.]

Ahhhh guys...now you're gonna make me cry. Dang; and I've been holding it together pretty good!

Yes Rose; I got your PM's ....and thank you for the prayers....

Virginia; my sear sweet Virginia; I'm gonna hold onto that thought about being alright.....at least I'll try ( boy that looked like me in that garden well; when I had long hair)

Sloppy treatment; you're right Linda. I was, have been my own advocate and though I stayed on top of it all etc....well...the rest is history. Them telling me they're sorry and they feel badly doesn't help. But like I said....I can't/won't use the negative energy or anger right now.

And yes Bear I really have been busy; and I'm sorry about the "bombshll" ...I had to lot to do (take care of) just in case I'm a bit of a wreck for a bit. There was a company website I had to finsih building and get uploaded, this forum, our COPD Canada campaigns and a whole bunch of other stuff COPD related and non related.

Yes Cheryl; I'll ask and thank you Bobbi....I know you'll all do what needs doing here and Ellen; I'll take that heart; I can feel it's beat....

John; you mentioned strength. It's funny you should say that. The day I was at the funeral home and knelt by Phil, I asked for that. For him to share some of it with me. Regardless of the outcome; just strength to see e'thing through.

Now if you don't mind I've got eyes to dry and things to do......

Love You All......

[kygal]

Jackie my dear,

You've been the rock of Gibralter (sp?) for everyone else here, let us be the arms that carry you for a while. There is no denying what an impact you've had on so many of us here and if all the prayers that are being lifted up & the love that is extending from us all doesn't make a huge difference, I don't know what will.

I'm so sorry about the terrible care you've received, there's way too much of that going on up here lately. Just be glad you were in a study that had to follow the rules and regulations and thank the good Lord that's what brought things to light. My prayers will be with you today, tomorrow and for as long as needed...you've been added to my prayer list and has a very special place in it. Be sure and keep us all informed and just remember, we all love you and this entire special group will be rooting for you so loud you'll hear it all the way there...:-)

Huge hugs,

Mary

[wendyco]

wonder woman, you may have a wounded wing but you can always fly.......
you have all the strength you need right here with your friends, each and every one of us will be with you the whole way whatever the results are......you try to rest
(((((HUGS)))))

[larrynz]

Wendy said it when she called you Wonder Woman, you will beat this problem, keep positive thoughts and most of all stay calm, I understand your anger but it will not help.
Rose alerted me to this post I missed it before, your will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[LindaNY]

Just one more thing. Please, please concentrate on taking care of you and don't worry about the forum. We will take care of Phil's forum and treat it like gold. ((((hugs)))))

[morningstar]

Yes we will take care of Phil's Forum . Now take care of yourself.

((((((( HUGS )))))

[muffin]

I just don't know what to say, you will be alright you have to be, you have done so much for others I'm just sure you will be ok. I am standing on the promise of God Ask and it shall be given you. I will pray that God keep you safe and WELL. Hugs.....Arlene

[maryaz]

Oh, Jackie;
I agree to what was already said, none of us ever have so much that we cannot handle the sharing of another problem from another of our friends. That is what we all do. We hold each other up.

I will never forget when Adina suggested I visualize everyone in the waiting room with me when Joe went to the Heart Institute. You just do the same as you step thru this process and we will all be surrounding you.

You have given so much of yourself to people truly hurting and now it is time that you receive the warmth and comfort. I will be thinking of you and praying for you. So sorry to hear this but I am thinking positive. Wish we were closer.

[Blossom/Jackie W.]

You guys are terrific you know that? Thank you so very much. And as for the foum? I know you'll do well with it......If I could squeeze you all right now I would...So; you'll have to settle for a

[sue]

(((Jackie))),
Sending lots of good thoughts and my prayers your way. Hang in there, you are so strong and you have all of us here to give you our strength too.
Sue

[cocojax]

Jackie think of this when you go for your test today!

[dorisinmd]

Jackie you know where you stand with me.

[cheryl]

Ellen - I read that Circle of Friends -- Very nice, I liked it. We're with you, Jackie

[maryaz]

Jackie; Hope you slept well. I imagine Wednesday was a long day. Best of luck with the results. I truly hope all the worry was for nothing.

I will be waiting to hear.

[Blossom/Jackie W.]

Now I wait. I'll give then till about 2pm; then I'm gonna call.

My concern is that it's a long weekend up and coming here.

I imagined you were all sitting and standing around there with me; there was an element of comfort in that.

[John]

Jackie ! Like Ellen says were there with you in a circle of friends (((((((((((((((Jackie))))))))))))))))))

[morningstar]

Yes we sure wasn't. We couldn't be in your shoes. But we sure felt we were standing there waiting and wondering. As we wait with you now. It is funny how those bonds form no matter the miles. Let yourself feel us becaus we are surely standing hand in hand no matter what your need.

[virginia]

I'm here too Jackie, With lots of love.....

[Blossom/Jackie W.]

Thanks guys; I'll keep you posted.

[Blossom/Jackie W.]

Hi E'one......darn I'm tired.

I called the Dr's office at 2pm; left a message for the secretary (Shelly)... then at 2:30 The Research Co-ordinator called wanting to change my appt for my quarterly breathing, blood and urine tests to Wed or Thur (for the study I'm in)...we opted for Wednesday. He told me I'll see the Dr then as well; kill 2 birds with one stone as he put it.

At about 2:45 Shelly called; said she wan't avoiding me but before she called they checked to see if the Radiologist's report was available yet. Not yet. She told me if I didn't hear from her by 11 am tomorrow for me to call her.

All of the above work within a few hundred meters of each other....The way I figure it (since I know Dr Hernandez is gonna be away from early afternoon tomorrow till Wed am), even if the report comes in etc it's gonna be Wed. before I get to talk with him. Makes sense..... since I don't normally see him at all (un;less there's a problem) so that's what they're planning. Info on Wed. What can you do?

So; I'm gonna call and leave a message for Shelly not to worry about the report....I'd like to enjoy the long weekend. Chances are with the Dr being away they wouldn't tell me anything anyway....so; a moot point.

Wednesday morning it's gonna have to be....

When I know; you'll know I promise. Even if I have to get hubby to post for me.

I can't thank you all enough for your well wishes and prayers.....I really, really mean that. It feels as if my life is on hold in some ways... But; darn...I'm gonna ENJOY this weekend!

I'm gonna carry this note over to the other board so that MaryAZ doesn't have to feel uncomfortable or obligated, plus e'one has been so dsng kind to me. Not sure I deserve all of it, or all of you. BUT; I'll take it!

LOVE YOU ALL....

[cocojax]

Enjoy your long weekend, and we all love you in our circle of friends...