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Post by Blossom/Jackie W. on Aug 9, 2007 20:31:38 GMT -5
If ever I needed some strength……it’s now. I could use a “booster shot.”
I’m not sure “what” to say/tell you or not. I guess I’m still trying to “sort things out.” And; I’ve been busy and tired today…..all on about 3 hours sleep.
DH, Stace (daughter) and I met with the surgeon this morning. He didn’t “rush” and actually was quite decent. My appointment was for 9:15; didn’t get out of there till 11:30. His recommendation is a lobectomy; he feels I’ve a greater than 50% chance of having cancer since the one area has changed and gotten a bit larger. I t would take care of the 2 areas but not the other small one at the bottom of my other lung that they noticed this last time. Bilateral would be out of the question. With the lobectomy I would loose 20% of my current lung function, one week in the hospital and 6 months recovery. I’ve still a LOT of questions and a lot to decide. No guarantees the other won’t grow; maybe it already is. Anyway; you get the idea.
First I have to face the emotional side/impact of things and I guess; there will be time for that once the house returns to “normal” next week.
I’m sorry to tell you this; guess I’ve laid it out in a nutshell for you. Life can be a B – t –h then; you deal with it. It is not my intent to depress or be depressed, drag down or be dragged down. I’m a realist. Once I get over the “shock/sadness/reality; maybe anger..all that stuff that I'm sure I'm gonna feel for a bit; I’ll get on with things.
For now; tonight, I’m just tired.
So my friends…..please hang in there with me; especially while I sort things out. Thank you for all your love, hugs, support and warm fuzzies. Wish I could hug you all.....So; just close your eyes and imagine.....
Blossom
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Post by LindaNY on Aug 9, 2007 20:39:15 GMT -5
Oh Jackie, I'm so very sorry you are going through this.
You certainly have a lot on your plate and many, many decisions to make after carefully weighing the pros and cons.
You know that we are here for you and will always be, no matter what your decision on the course of treatment. You will make the best decision for YOU.
((((hugs))))
PS. if you ever want to talk, we can exchange phone numbers. I have a very reasonable long distance plan and would call anytime you wanted.
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Post by bobbioh on Aug 9, 2007 20:40:26 GMT -5
Jackie, Im so sorry for the bad news. But I know you are stong and will come out on top no matter what you do. I have faith. I wish I was there to give you a big hug and a shoulder to cry on. Trust me im crying on the inside for you. And I will be praying for all Im worth for you. Take care and if there is anything I can do for you please just let me know. Try to put this in Gods hand I know he wont let you down. Love Ya bobbioh
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Post by John on Aug 9, 2007 21:07:07 GMT -5
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((JACKIE )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) from John & Sue  |
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Post by morningstar on Aug 9, 2007 21:12:54 GMT -5
Jackie,
I am sorry for the news you received today. But, I also know you . You are strong and willful and most importantly you are a fighter. And after the dust settles you will find and take the best course of action for you.
We will all be here for you to do anything we can in any way we can.
Let it all settle in. Enjoy your kids and grands. And then you pick a plan. And we your faithful troops will help you fight this hard battle.
Any hour day or night I am here. For now just know your in my thoughts and prayers and you know what they say It's not over till the fat lady sings . And I refuse to sing on this matters.
We will batten down the hatches and face the storm and come out safe and stronger.
Rosemarie
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Post by maryaz on Aug 9, 2007 21:17:36 GMT -5
Jackie; At this point I cannot think just what to say. You know I care about you. If you just want to vent or anything, you know you can trust me. Please know that you have become another of those special people that have come into my life. I cannot believe this sh_ _, you and MaryKY both looking at this. You are strong. Enjoy your company for now. I will prayer for your families' comfort also.  |
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Post by cocojax on Aug 9, 2007 21:20:18 GMT -5
Jackie..Take time for your feelings, you certainly have the right to them. Spend the time with your family, you are right you are a fighter and very proactive person. So my dear we are all here for you when you are ready...we will go thru this one together to...A big hug for you....
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Post by cheryl on Aug 9, 2007 21:54:35 GMT -5
Jackie, You are a strong strong woman. A fighter. I know you'll get through this surgery and the recovery period. Rest for now. Enjoy your family. We are all behind you and ready and willing to help in any way we can. Lots of prayers being sent to you and your family.  |
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Post by Kath on Aug 9, 2007 22:11:10 GMT -5
Jackie I am so sorry you have to go through this. I am sending prayer's and good thoughts your way. You are a strong woman and that will go along way toward getting you through this.
Hugs....kath
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Post by larrynz on Aug 9, 2007 22:14:48 GMT -5
Many of the posters have mentioned strength, it is the key, today your tired and need rest, tomorrow you can carry on fighting. In the last 24 hours I have read or seen an item on the power of positive thinking, positive people live longer, which they put down to attitude. The article was linked to the placebo effect, some on medicine studies get the placebo yet they heal as well as those with the real stuff, the bottom line was positive thinking was the most effective tool in medicine. Sorry Jackie, I ramble  , I should have just said "You have the strength to win" |
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Post by muffin on Aug 9, 2007 22:43:15 GMT -5
Jackie you are loved ((((((((((hugged))))))))))) and being held. You are a strong lady and positive that whips. Prayers going for you!!
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Post by CarolCa on Aug 10, 2007 0:26:18 GMT -5
There is nothing I can say that has not been said already. We know you are strong but don't be afraid to let your feelings show and have some good cries. It is not a sign of weakness and always feels so much better afterwards. You don't have to put up a front for your family or for us. This sucks asn we all know it.
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Post by Joyce7 on Aug 10, 2007 5:40:16 GMT -5
My Dear Jackie--I know you are mentally so very tired with all you are dealing with now and the decisions to be made and paperwork and just the ordeal of it. You are a strong woman, but more than that, you are a woman of strength--and there is a difference. A strong woman has faith she is strong enough for the journey...but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong. A strong woman isn't afraid of anything..but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear. We are here for you and praying for you also.  |
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Post by Blossom/Jackie W. on Aug 10, 2007 7:16:39 GMT -5
Thanks guys.....I'm gonna be wrestling with this one and emotionally I proably won't bottom out till life returns to normal on Sunday or Monday.
I can feel your warm hugs and I'm grateful..... :-)
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Post by sue on Aug 10, 2007 7:32:45 GMT -5
(((((Jackie))))) You are a strong woman. My prayers for you and your family.
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Post by virginia on Aug 10, 2007 10:22:38 GMT -5
 Hope this angel, (Sarah )will comfort you the way it did me when you sent it.. We are family in heart and mine is hurting this mourning for you... |
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Post by jojo on Aug 10, 2007 10:59:27 GMT -5
Hi Jackie, just had to stop in and add my prayers and positive thoughts for you. God Bless You during a very difficult time.HUGS.
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Post by Vic on Aug 10, 2007 12:09:34 GMT -5
Jackie -- This is such a shock to me, it has left me devastated and I don't know what to say...other than I will pray for you as hard as I have ever prayed for anyone.
You have been a refuge for me when I went through my problems with Rita's health, and I want to try to do the same for you. God bless you and let's hope a lot of prayer will help do the job for a wonderful person. -- Vic
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Post by John O on Aug 10, 2007 13:36:25 GMT -5
Dear Jackie,
Please know that my thoughts are with you at this difficult time, and my wishes are for the best possible outcome. You've been a role model for so many, of which I am proud to include myself.
John O.
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Post by Luke guest on Aug 10, 2007 14:06:49 GMT -5
Hi Jackie, That's not the kind of news we want to hear from you. I will bet that it is going to turn out much better than what they say can be the worst. You are our shining example o f positive thinking. I thank you for that. Heck, three hours of sleep would make anyone think bleak thoughts. Get some sleep please. Know my prayers are with you. Luke
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Post by squizz on Aug 10, 2007 14:54:15 GMT -5
Jackie, I am so sorry to hear your news. But wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless you and yours.
Gentle hugs and easy breathing,
Squizz
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Post by lindab on Aug 10, 2007 15:04:26 GMT -5
Jackie really sorry to hear the news. I know you are strong and have your family supporting you. Hang in there and nothing but positive thoughts.
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Post by Wes on Aug 10, 2007 15:58:54 GMT -5
Your assessment of today not being a very good one is certainly reasonable Jackie, but you have been a champion at turning people's tomorrows into sunshine and hope. I am very grateful for the opportunity to join you and all the others here in helping make your tomorrow the brightest of all. You are in my prayers.
Wes
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Post by ElaineNY on Aug 10, 2007 18:09:15 GMT -5
I truly am sorry to hear about your onocology visit. Seems that nothing is very cut and dried with this lung disease and/or cancer. Every doctor has his opinions and tests are sometimes inconclusive. I reread your bronchoscopy as you know my husband had one a few weeks ago which was positive for non-small cell squamous cancer. Now apparently your test was inconclusive as you said doctor said probably 50%. Here in Syracuse - husband went to VA and University hospital for different tests and doctors - they do not consider non-small cell that has spread from one lung to the other as operable. His pulmonary doctor explained that it was already in the blood stream and he would need probably chemo/radiation to cover all part of his body.
Saying all that, his appointment to set up treatment - give him/us the whole picture and what is possible - will be August 20. That is the day after our 46th anniversary. You have a daughter close to you and we have a son who would do anything - looks like we will all be leaning on family and our family on the boards.
I will definitely be reading to see how you are doing and what decisions you are making - everyone is different - you must do what is best for you.
My husband is not afraid - he is determined to beat this and I am with him all the way.
HUGS, ElaineNY
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Post by linda md on Aug 10, 2007 18:18:41 GMT -5
Jackie, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I know this is a difficult time for you right now. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. God Bless you and I pray for a full recovery.
Hugs,
Linda
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Post by EileenMA on Aug 10, 2007 19:09:26 GMT -5
Jackie, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Take all the time you need to regroup and make your decisions. You are very special in the COPD community. I am so sorry you have to go through this.
Hugs,
Eileen
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Post by Blossom/Jackie W. on Aug 10, 2007 19:23:18 GMT -5
Please forgive me but I’m doing one posting and carrying it across. I simply cannot “NOT” post this evening. Some of us have seen/been through a fair bit. For those of you who are “new” to me or your respective forum; let me say that you have stepped into a world that is bigger in heart than anything you could ever imagine. Give….and it will come back to you ten fold. Such as it is been shown to me and many others. For those of us who have “shared” some serious issues in the past, the water runs deep. N’ cest pas? I’ve been busy with the kids here from Georgia (who are here for a few short days) then having another 2 sisters and brother (and their main squeezes) as well, for a family gathering today. This can be a double edged sword when you need to reflect “within” but I would/could never trade this time with them right now any more than I could miss reading your wonderful heartwarming posts and letting you know what it means to me. I have even dragged the kids and hubby in here to read them with me tonight. They (kids and main squeeze) were/are so moved. There will be time in a day or two, when all goes quiet when they’ve left, for my own reflection and shared chats with DH here on the home front. God help me then  . Tehn I get down to some serious research and business so to speak. I want you to know that I have read, as has my family, every single post of yours. And I further want you to know there is no one who is more PROUD to say that “These are my international COPD friends; aren’t they something? Regular folks should be so lucky; I’m so d**ned fortunate” I know that this is especially hard on a few of you. I understand . It's O.K.; O.K.? For now, good night…..I’ll be thinking good thoughts when I go to bed. Thank You so much! |
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Post by LindaNY on Aug 10, 2007 19:40:07 GMT -5
Enjoy this time with your family. They are very important and good for your mental health. Please know we all love, cherish and respect you and wish the very best for you, dear lady.  |
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Post by the bear on Aug 10, 2007 21:05:46 GMT -5
I phoned Jackie as I missed her posting in over the fence. We talked and right now I am at a loss for words, and it is hard for me to type though the tears. As a man I am not ashamed to cry, some men are, but I think they lack compassion or deep emotion. I feel a deep need to express myself and this is the place. Jackie and I have done a lot of letter writing and trying our darndest to reach responsible government officials for the betterment of treatment for COPD'ers. I know how proud she is of what she has started and just by the sheer volume of love, prayers, kindness, faith and every other worthwhile emotion all come shining through in your posts. My prayers will go out to all in need and I want to make a vow and promise that in Jackies honour and with God's help I will redouble my efforts to make these Health Ministers hear us and help us. But I sure could use your help too. Hugz, as ever, bear.  |
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Post by Bettynv on Aug 10, 2007 21:16:32 GMT -5
Jackie I am so sorry for the bad news you were given. Believe me I know what it feels like to be told they are almost sure you have Cancer. My story didn't happen to end up being Cancer and I hope and pray yours doesn't either. I am hoping and praying for only the best out come for you.
Hugs and Love
Bettynv
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, I should have just said "You have the strength to win"
. Tehn I get down to some serious research and business so to speak. 
