Not sure where to post this. I have used one message to post on a few boards. Hope this works. If not, maybe Jackie could move it.
I thank everyone for all the thoughts, prayers, cards, gifts, caring and sharing. It is all appreciated and helps more than I can express. I am thankful Wendy was able to provide some updates.
In the past I could not always understand why someone could be offline for so long. I sure understand now. I went to the hospital March 24th and was there 8 days. My life was never the same after that. I have no problem talking about it but there was too much happening to include here.
I had to go with Hospice or I would have left the hospital by way of a Nursing Facility. I was near hysterical when they said I had to go to a nursing home. By then Joe had also been taken to the hospital for a few days and was about to go home. Other than one more second opinion appointment, there was nothing more that could be done for Joe. He would go on hospice. I knew he wanted to be at home on his last days, if at all possible.
The pulmonary doctor that said ‘if I didn’t go to Nursing Facility, I could not take care of my husband the way he was used to’ was not my regular Pulmonary Dr. The people caring for us in the hospital do not even know us because that was backwards statement. I think this was about day 5 of my stay. I was very upset from this point on. The next day my son brought Joe by to see me on their way home. Joe had just seen my ‘regular’ Pulmonary Dr earlier, and he said he would be coming to see me. Thank goodness! I was so hysterical and crying and couldn’t quit crying because of my having been told I had to go to a Nursing Facility. I was so embarrassed by my behavior but could not help it. I would not have survived if I went to a Nursing Home. Amazing I even made it out of Critical Care. Have many stories as usual. My doctor understood exactly what was going on because he knew our situation. My doctor fixed it so I could go home which included hospice care. That is the most uncontrollable I think I have been in long time.
Joe was put on hospice April 6th. They thought once the chemo was out of his system he would have some better days to spend with the family. Didn’t really happen that way. The days were often full of surprises and this was an experience that we could have lived without and never wish on anyone else. This can be a time when you find what people are really made of. Even in a bad situation you can fine things to be thankful for. Hospice of the Valley was great and could not have done it without them. We had to hire some private nursing care and had some very special people come in.
Joe fought to not leave us and he did it ‘his way’. Every time hospice would tell us what we should expect in the next few days, Joe would do it contrary. He was tough. During his battle with cancer he was often in the low percentage of the statistics rather than with what most people do. He died May 10th which is his birthday.
Still not sure what will happen with me. I have to work on me and my home before I get busy back online but I have so wanted to get this ‘thank you’ out.. I need to see how much I can improve, and build myself up, to see if I can manage to continue to live in my home. Lot to do. My son from out of State, is still caring for me but I can only stay in my home if we can be sure it is workable. He has a few weeks on family leave yet. I really do not want an Assisted Living. Could go either way yet.
I will be open to considering suggestions that may help me to get set up to continue living in my home. We will be getting some type of ‘medical alert’. Can order groceries on the Internet for delivery. Looking into other helpful things. I may be slow on my responses but will try to read. Will need house cleaner and have some leads.
We have lived in our home for 35 years and you accumulate a lot of ‘stuff’. Trying to really down size a lot. I won’t have much space if I have to leave here. Also have accounts to change and way overdue on sending Thank You notes out. We are trying to figure out ways to get me help that my Mother and I might need.
For anyone that would like to read the Obituary this is the link. Many bittersweet memories through the last part of this journey. Again, thanks for everyone of you and it meant so much, I expect to be back more regularly when everything is settled. We have some appointments yet today and so may not get back in today but will try. tinyurl.com/chnsj65
It is so good to hear from you, I have thought about you so often. Again Mary I am so very sorry for your loss of your husband. I was in awe the way you both took care of the other one, and you being so ill you always worried about him.
God must have need a special Angel, and thankfully Joe is not suffering, he will be with you always.
Such an eloquently written thank you. You are truly an amazingly strong woman. You have been through a journey no one should have to experience, but you have made it so far. There is a lot of healing yet for you and we all understand if you are not on.
I am truly sorry for your loss and I hope things get easier for you. I hope that those that want to help, you let help as much as they can, so that you can heal in the ways you need to.