When We Lose COPD Friends...

[Blossom/Jackie W.]

I think many of us are feeling the loss of another family member/friend. I know that I am. And it's never easy is it?

We're getting older. Even if we were of the healthier part of the population, we'd still see our friends, and sometimes biological family members pass away. With "getting older," sometimes the losses seem more frequent before even adding COPD.

It's simply the way it is for every living thing.

We sometimes have "co-morbidities" (personally I dislike that word BUT; that's what it is)...... Additional health problems; beyond this disease.... Again; that's what can happen to anyone as we get older.


So; what "depicts" getting older? In my mind two of those things is.... hearing about "friends" our age that have passed away (regardless of the reason) and.... reading the obituaries in the paper to see if we recognize any of the names.

Think about it.... you don't do that when you're younger!

JustBill; didn't die "because of" COPD. He had numerous health issues. Neil; didn't die because of "COPD" per se; he had health issues as well and frankly, according to Priscilla; he just couldn't get beyond the GI bleed. Yes our disease weakened him/them in every regard. MaryAZ's hubby Joe; didn't die "because of" COPD. He didn't have it. He had cancer that he'd battled for several years.... Mary's the one with COPD and she's still in there doing battle!

Just under 5 years ago I almost died a couple/few times. Seven weeks in the hospital; 6 weeks on a ventilator. It wasn't COPD that put me there. It only added to the challenges.

So; do we stop reading the newspaper or watching TV? Look at the terrible tragedy just recently in Colorado or the wars, or the terrible things in Syria; even China.

Nothing in common though. Right? It's "somewhere else," Unless it's a direct connection that you're involved with.

We can't blame everything on COPD. But; it's what primarily brings us all together here....

Now; we can be ostriches and hide our head in the sand, wring our hands and run from it. Too close to home after all. We can burn out; which is what happens to may COPDer's after a number of years on the forums/boards; and; sadly; we lose many friends over time because of those co-morbidities and...... COPD.

Like those above; and the ones before them, and; the ones after me/you/us. It's the nature of things.

Each passing of a friend, family member or Network member hurts me terribly. It hurts all of us. But; what do we do with that hurt? Become a hermit? Because that's what it would take. Cutting yourself off from the world.... That would benefit no one.

I don't know about you but I can't wallow and allow myself to go into that terrible abyss. I'd lose you; and; I'd lose myself..... And I'm not ready to do that. Are you?

You're here, you're reading...... that says you aren't ready either.

So; we'll continue to share; the good, the bad. the ugly; the defeats, the challenges.

Just like we'll continue to celebrate those many accomplishments we make. Walking a few more feet or minutes, not panicking when we do something, getting to the store on our own, the first time we venture own with oxygen in public. Whether to others they may seem small or trivial; we'll know they're major because we understand and.... we have a place, and friends to share.

Easy Breathing,
Jackie Whitaker

[Deborah]

Such a very thoughtful, hopeful, and inspirational post - thank you, Jackie.

Deborah

[chrocary / Jane]

Jackie,

You have a way with words.........and you have said it all!!

Thank you
Jane

[peter]

Thank You Jackie, Others have already said that needs to be said.

With Love, Peter.

[John]

Thank You Jackie

[annabob]

Jackie

Thanks for putting it all into the right words. It could not had been said better.

[sask5]

Thank you Jackie for your words of wisdom. I too, was find it hard with Deetsk's death. I just couldn't wrap my head around one Friday posting jokes and explaining it to us and then just one short week later to be no longer with us. It made me wonder if it could all end that fast?
I have severe copd and try everyday to do things to challenge myself and keep going and the understanding and compassion on this site helps me cope with some of the things that I encounter.

[mary57]

Thank you Jackie for a very well thought out summary of many of our feelings. Death is always hard to accept, but is a reality for all of us, not just us COPDers, and should be faced by living life to the fullest of our ability not hidden from. JMO.

[bobbioh]

well said i know im guilty of hiding away, with life, other illnesses and the loss of friends.I tend to get depressed. And turn inside myself. I try hard not to,but rather then depress others I would rather just be quiet. We all handle our depression and grief in our own way and time.

[stormygal]

Thank you Jackie, I really needed to read that at this moment.

[susanny]

Thank you Jackie for your words. You always know just what to say and how to address what I am feeling.

[sandy07]

I know that COPD is a disease we have to live with but not necessarily need to die from. You said it best tho. Thank you.

[maryaz]

I have found death of some members which became friends to be ‘very’ difficult, and it hit me ‘very’ hard. I don’t deny thinking of leaving the forums because of it. That is not the thing to do. Jackie has said it so well. I agree too that she has a wonderful way with words. I was all set to walk away from the forums after one death and LarryNZ expressed reasons that I should stay and now leaving is not an option for me.

There is nothing we can do about what happens. We can show our respect and we will be sad, but time will heal the pain. We should be helping others that come along behind us. I cannot exactly find the words I am looking for but try to keep going. I find helping others helps ease the pains I feel. This saying may not work for everyone but it does help many.

Thanks again Jackie.

[Blossom/Jackie W.]

You're so very welcome and Thank You.

Please know that I truly understand what you're feeling, or have felt, with our friends here, and even other friends or family members.

Some people we get to know more than others. For me; Neil was one of them. He was also on my COPD buddy list (that we encourage people to do here)

It's O.K. to hurt and; you have to allow yourself to happen...... you have to grieve; in your own way and your own time.

Please remember though you always have a place here with others who can understand and lean on. You never have to ride the wave by yourself.

[helen]

Thanks Jackie!

All of these words from everyone help me a lot.