Do You See Yourself as Ill?

[Blossom/Jackie W.]

I'm curious to know how you "view" yourself. Do you think or see yourself as "sick" or "living with a disease?" Do you think it's relative to the "stage" you're at or your "social" and "family" environment? Are you viewed or treated as if you were ill?

I know for me I go to bed with COPD on my mind and get up that way. But I also know a large part of it is because of my involvement in the disease and my awareness promoting. Don't get me wrong; there's also definite "physical" reminders shall we say and I feel quite often "chained" to my meds and there's days when I think it sure would be nice to have just ONE DAY w/o thinking about it, or feeling the effects of it or have a sense of "feeling normal"....

What about you?

[John]

Blossom:
I was spending a lot of time learning about this malady & was beginning to get real down . I found I had to take my life back as I was beginning to just sit back & wait to die . Keep in mind that @ 59 I'm not on o2 or anywhere near dying yet ! At least not from copd anyway.( Then someone would remind on one of the other boards that I could get a cold & die in a week!! Gee's I'd say why not just shoot myself ) . I'm on your basic Meds .With about a 32 to 38 % lung cap. I'm also very fortunate that I'm not a retainer and by no means terminal. I was preoccupied 24/7 with these thoughts. I was becoming a victim of my own thinking. There are times when I feel now I might be better off emotionally if I didn't visit these broads every day because they tend to keep copd on the front burner of my life Witch is good & also not good . I still do have a life out side of the boards that is very full .The trouble is I would miss all of you fine people I 've have come to know here . So to conclude I'm the the one who is responsible to get the balance back & go forward . I could have more server problems to deal with than copd .I need to accept the fact that I'm not 20 anymore & yes I do have copd, but with proper care & meds I can live a decent life. Thank you very much for the heartfelt & thought provoking topic

[LindaNY]

Personally I make it a point to try not to think about it and try very hard to live my life to the fullest with my limitations.

My family and friends do not not treat me as sick because most don't know I have this disease.
They are all aware that I have asthma that I have had for a good long time and don't even flinch if I use my inhaler or walk a bit slower.

Maybe I am foolish, but I have seen far too many people make them selves feel like helpless sick people and get into the "poor me" mode.

[muffin]

I honestly try not to think about it so much. I do try to educate myself as much as possible, I still get reminded of the disease daily as I am doing things (slows me down, or can't go as long or as far). There are days I don't breathe as well (weather permitting) which then is when I think of it the most as I get a little down on those days. My family do not treat as though I am sick or helpless, God bless them one and all.

[morningstar]

" Enjoy Your Days .&. Love Your Life"
Because ;;;
" Life is a journey to be savored"

I try my darnest to not think of it all the time. I try to find things to laugh at and enjoy. I find night time my worse time and I am not sure why but some nights I find myself making excuses to not go to bed. Is it the fear of dying I guess I don't really know and I don't really mean this to be funny but it kind of is. It's not the thought of dying that bothers me. It's the thought of being dead. Death the fear of the unknown. The promise you hold tight of a better world. I don't really know. My family don't treat me any different than they ever have. I have always been the one they all run to when there worlds fall apart and that hasn't changed. I have always done the cooking for their children's bake sales or what ever. That is still my job. Don't think they even notice my o2 or chair which for me has been a good thing. I guess the bottom line with me is COPD is just another cross I have to bare. And I refuse to let it or anything else decide my life and how I live it. I choose to know about it and I choose to spread the word about it. I choose to save just one child from picking up that first cigarette. Just like 1 year ago this Thursday the 24th I choose to live. I won't ever be consumed by anything again to the point it can make me sick.

[cheryl]

I'm also reminded daily I have COPD. I don't have the stamina I used to have and with part of my lung missing, my ribs don't have the support at the bottom they used to. Also the numbness still feels strange to me. I'm hoping that with exercise I can help to build up my stamina and eventually do more.

[larrynz]

The day I was diagnosed I was ill, the doctor talked me into it, I was given all the negatives but none of the tools to fight back. At that point I was persuaded to buy a computer by my daughter in law and pointed towards the net, it gave me new life, I found there was much I can do to help myself.
The next milestone was pulmonary rehab, nothing like hands on, showing diaphragm breathing, the right way to use meds etc.
The bottom line is I am better able to handle COPD than I was 5 years ago, in spite of being worse off with breathing ability.
To get back to the question "Am I ill", yes when I walk uphill or a little fast, walk and talk, carry in too much shopping, if I try to do tasks bending over then I am very ill .
I am not ill when walking on the flat at a reasonable speed, shopping with a trundler to carry the goods, cooking dinner, using the vacuum etc. walking the dog or looking after the grands.

[spike99]

.

Do I view myself as an ill person? If wondering, I don't have COPD. Doctor tells me I have other lung damage - from 30 years of smoking. It may turn into COPD or it may be cleared (sort of speaking) in 15-20 years (if I remain an ex-smoker). Only time will tell.... I also have high BP, Pre-Type 2 Diabetis, GERD (acid reflex that created lower throat damage) and still have an unexplained pain in my right lower abdomen area. I haven't been tested for COPD but do have other diagnosed Health problems. Problems that will stay with me the rest of my life as well.

To answer the original question. YES. I do view myself as an ill person. Not every second of the day but when something isn't good for my body "comes my way", I think about the ill body I have. For example, when improper food, someone smoking around me or improper sleeping pattern hits me, my inner self (inner voice) says, "sorry - it's not like the old days. Love it, want it but can't have it no more. Times are now different since the old days...". My inner voice (based on self image of current times) is my new guardian. Call it Spider Sense of Spider Man or inner voice of an experienced doctor. Or call it "Will to Live" inner voice. Today, I allow my inner guardian voice to protect me be from the bad things in life. Yes, I'd love to have another cigarette. But my inner voice says "NO". Therefore, the answer is "thanks but no thanks. You got lung problems - remember!!!". I'd love to have a giant slice of chocolate cake with triple layer icing and a scope of ice cream (from my daughter's previous birthday party) but my inner voice says, "no - can't have that anymore. You got diabetis - remember!!!!". To some, their inner voice (or yelling voice for some) could be emotional torture. Something that reminds them every day about their health problems. Like a skipping record playing the same 8 words over and over again. Something that can never be turned off. YES - I do understand. For me, I view my inner voice as "a postive". Some call me weird but to me, one's inner voice can be a positive. If my inner voice didn't say anything at all, I'd go back to my old "bad eating, bad smoking, bad diet and lack of physical exercise" lifestyle. A lifestyle that got my body into trouble today. And, I'd be dead within 2 years. To me, my inner voice is helping save my life. Or, as a minimum, it is making my life last a few more years longer.... When my inner voice now says "NO" - I now listen to it. My "inner guardian"(sort of speaking) who wants to live as well... So yes, I think about my health problems every day. It's a must - or I would die in just a few short years...

Hope this perspective helps others....

.

[Blossom/Jackie W.]

Thanks everyone for your responses.....reading your posts there seems to be a couple of common threads. One of the biggest that seems to stand out is how we're "treated" or "viewed" by family and/or friends. They have a lot of impact on our psyche.

Additionally; you/we have acknowledged that we do have an illnness. What we've chosen to do with or about it, is indicative of a "Survivor" type mentality. For each of us it also seems we've learned "coping" skills. Whether it's Spike's inner voice; going out and learning such as Larry or Muffin; most of us for that matter..... we've accepted, but not succumbed; such as what Linda said " we can get into the "poor me mode". " The smart ones recognize this and try to do something about it when it does rear its head. Otherwise what John was saying about becoming a "victim of my own thinking" would be our fate. BTW; that's probably the biggest truism of all. Our minds would/could do us in long before our bodies or COPD.

Funny; one time my hubby said to me, just like you've mentioned Rose in a slightly different manner.....anyway; he said " Mom, I don't know why you've been given this cross to bare". I replied that "I don't see it as a "cross"; just the luck of the draw. I got the short straw. I can't do anything about it other than learn to live with it as best I can. What choice do I have?"

Finally; most of you also remain active; doing most of what you did before (albeit modified a bit now) BUT we haven't stopped. Look at you Cheryl.... you're working it.....why?

That's the point I think isn't it? We've not stopped. We're all survivors....and survivors don't quit.

Thank you all for your thoughtful sharing.....
Jackie

[John]

Your Very welcome

[bobbioh]

Ok I thought long and hard on this one,Yes I know Im ill,Yes I see myself as ill. But Im detrmined Not to let it consume me. I live each day as if it may be my last,Not in a negitive way.But in a I have wasted far to many years on getting sick. Now I must work to maintain what I have to enjoy life to its fullest. I remember not to long ago I so wished I could just stay home from work. I was to tired and felt so very bad. Well I got my wish,So I figure I should make the most of it. At times its a real battle to stay above the diease, Not to let my physical short comings get the best of me. Or the newly found weight ,Or just the life in general changes that we all have with or without COPD. So I guess I this is the fight for my life. And Im here to tell you I wont soon be leaving this world without a fight. Its hard at 45 to forge straight ahead and face your longevity. And I often pray for the streagth. I may be very severe Copd, But Im still Bobbi and I still have alot of undone things in my life. So I welcome each day,And try to eat right,exercise,Keep a positive attitude. Help anyone I can. And enjoy life what more could a person want or ask for. I may not have my health but I have the rest of the package so I will just improvise and be happy. bobbioh

[morningstar]

Bobbi,

We could all do with a tall glass of your lemonade. Keep up the fight singing Hi Ho all the way.