We all know that frustration and anger can lead to breathing problems, so maybe this will help
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it
out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to
make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying "
".
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f**ing number"
and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could
be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found
that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up
with her, I decided to call the wrong number again. When the same guy
answered the phone! , I yelled, "You're an not a very nice person" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word not a very nice person next to it and put it in my
desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really
bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an not a very nice person!" It always cheered me
up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic not a very nice person calling
would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John
Smith from Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID
Program?"
He yelled "NO", and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and
said, "That's because you're an not a very nice person!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some
guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently
waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot,
but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a For Sale sign in his back window,
which included his phone number, so I wrote down the number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first not a very nice person (I had his
number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW not a very nice person too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is", he said.
"Can you tell me where I can see it" I asked.
"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house and the
car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name", I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen", he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an not a very nice person!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed
dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two not a very nice persons to call. Then I
came up with an idea.
I called not a very nice person #1. "
".
"You're an not a very nice person!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there", he asked.
"Yeah", I said.
"Stop calling me", he screamed.
"Make me", I said.
"Who are you", he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"not a very nice person, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black
Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying
your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, not a very nice person, and hung up."
Then I called not a very nice person #2..
"
", he said.
"
, not a very nice person", I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are...".
"You'll what", I said.
"I'll kick your ass", he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, not a very nice person, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34
Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay
lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd,
Vaucluse.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray.
I got there just in time to watch two not a very nice persons beating the crap out of each
other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news
crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management really works.
;D