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Post by spike99 on Jul 27, 2007 20:44:00 GMT -5
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Had to help a husband / wife couple out today. For them, I need to transport a long camper awning - from the RV dealer to their camp site. Which is the same Camp Ground at our seasonal site. I met both of them (with my large utility trailer) at our local RV dealer, they loaded it, they secured it, I drove it back to my place (8 blocks away from the RV Dealer) and they secured it even better.
While watching this couple in action, I could tell the deep romance / passion between each of them. They joked, they laughed and they were standing very close to one another. It was like watching a young couple after their 5th date. The funny thing is, this couple has been married for over 14 years.
I compare their romance/passion to my life (we've been married for 20 years), and we now have a relationship that's closer to brother and sister relationship. She reads a book or watches TV in the other room, I work on things (based on her long "to-do" list) and I also do internet surfing. She watches TV, she walks our dog at night, and I'm told to prepare or pre-design for next week's "to-do" items. Romance / passion is minimum because we also can't leave our disabled son. He always needs 24/7 care and when we do get a sitter (like 9 months ago), that person needs medical certification (due to his health problems). Such a person is very hard to find in my area.
As you can tell, I envy that couple today. They still had passion in their relationship. One can see it almost 10 miles away. A passion that every couple should have in life...
Based on the many years of your relationship with your spouse, do you remember the many different romance/passion times in your life? Just wondering if "on/off relationship passion" is normal for the average couple?
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Post by sue on Jul 28, 2007 8:03:27 GMT -5
I envy them too Spike. I've been married almost 30 yrs and cant remember the last time my hubby was romantic,  . But then again he was never much for that anyway. But he cleans the house (just said he was gonna scrub the bathrooom so I dont have to today,) so that could be his idea of romance?? On the other hand, we have 5 kids, soon to be 6 grands and someone is always in and out of the house so we dont get much alone time. We dont do alot together, just sit around here, he is a home body these days. Like you, he can be watching tv, I can be on the puter, etc. But he is here instead of out with friends 24/7 like some guys (or gals) do. |
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Post by spike99 on Jul 28, 2007 10:33:13 GMT -5
Sue.
You brought up a very good point. In our case "the spouse" isn't running the roads, sneeking into places that are questionable and doing other dollar consuming or marrage destroying things.
At work (with my own team members), we played a little team building game. In secret, we had to write down 1 thing about another team member and put their name at the top. The leader collected these 3M stickies, then read off the person's name and what was "observed" about them. When my name came up, she stated "most dedicated person I ever met". WOW! Didn't realize I was "decicated". Didn't realize that other folks see that in me. I really thought I was just being a normal worker and a normal husband. As you pointed out, perhaps being dedicated (even if reading the newspaper in the other room) is the greatest vows that one's spouse can offer. Even if their relationship isn't as emotionally "zesty" (sort of speaking) since their early dating years.
Thanks for pointing this out....
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Post by Joyce7 on Jul 28, 2007 15:02:45 GMT -5
Even though I'm divorced I will add my opinion. I think romance comes in many forms...and it changes with age and health. Just having some one "stand by you" brings about closeness for couples and being attentive to one another's needs is important. Just holdings, for a woman, is a romantic gesture and the way you glance at your spouse is important to. A hug can go a long ways. I don't think romance has to die as time passes but it does have to be worked on each day to maintain the passion and romantic ways..Joyce
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Post by Blossom/Jackie W. on Jul 28, 2007 16:15:07 GMT -5
Spike; from a "female" perspective, Joyce hit the nail on the head..... "I think romance comes in many forms...and it changes with age and health. Just having some one "stand by you" brings about closeness for couples and being attentive to one another's needs is important." Now; as the risk of sounding sexist......ladies; gents.....what I'm about to say shouldn't sound alien to you..... "a man has needs". This is from a "male" perspective for the most point. Women (for the most part) are a tad bit different. You know the old thing Men are from ....and women are from. I think after a period of time you build a BOND regardless of passion/sex etc. Do you trade one for the other? It also comes with life's "curves". It can be a building block for many; or the straw for others. Would I trade the "passion" (which could be viewed as infatuatuation or not having really tested the bonds of companionship) or the safe harbour? I'll take the harbour. Not to say that "passion" isn't vital or have inpact but when push comes to shove I like to know I can count on someone to be there whether in the other room or outsie cutting grass when I'm sick in bed. I probably didn't explain myself clearly BUT I know for hubby and I we hold hold hands in public etc.....I can count on him in many ways. It's a comfort. Is this passion? Don't know; but; I sure sleep better at night knowing he's there. (The ocassional "romantic" interluded doesn't hurt either though ) |
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Post by morningstar on Jul 28, 2007 17:03:34 GMT -5
Spike,
Like the ladies before me. Over the years passion as changed many hats and faces By the time I had decided to trust another person enough that I reached out and found a hand for the support I needed. Passion to me is in the little things. The look arcoss the room the two of you share, The first Rose to bloom in the spring. The arm around my shoulder and he says thats it your done. When I am pushing it.
So do we all wish we were like that couple at your camp site I am not so sure as to wish were still like that or in it that fact it brings back good memories of times only love and passion could have placed there to remind us that just like everything else in life Passion always stays. We just have to look a little harder to fine the new way it comes to us
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Post by John on Jul 28, 2007 20:36:57 GMT -5
Good Topic Spike ; Passion--- I do like all the ans. the ladies of or on line family have given. I agree it has changed over the years as I believe it should( the nooners are far & few between today ) My wife & I still hold hands in public as well as in private @ 59 for me an 45 for her, the passions is still there because we make sure it's still there! Is sending flowers passion ? I think so ! Is sending birthday wedding anniversary cards to her passion ? I think so! Is that tingle I get when I get nearer my home after being gone & apart from her for most of the day passion ? I think so! Is hearing her voice on the phone asking me how I,m doing and is there anything she can do to help on a bad breathing day passion ? I think so! Or is it when I stare @ her after she has gone to sleep on a nite when I 'm having trouble getting to sleep & think How lucky I am to be with this lady ! Is that passion ? I do think so ! So Spike I do think you have a little more passion in your life than you might think you do. You may just have to look a little harder for it or even better maybe become a little more passionate your self .They say If you want to know what person wants out of a relationship watch what give you! a person will always give out what they want back. It really is that simple !Again Spike! Thanks for the thought provoking topic |
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Post by LindaNY on Jul 29, 2007 9:00:13 GMT -5
Joyce did hit the nail on the head. Passion changes constantly over the years.
In my humble opinion, it can mature into a very deep, loving relationship if you, trust, respect each other and are attentive to each others needs.
Even though Tod and I have been married for 29 years (2nd time for me) We still have moments of firey passion, complete trust in each other and a deep respect.
Sometimes, on rare occasion, we can get upset with each other but have learned to control it and think it through. Generally that's all that is needed to resolve the conflict peacefully.
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Post by Joyce7 on Jul 29, 2007 9:22:21 GMT -5
I didn't know whether to post this or not, but decided I will. I think it is possible that although Spike knows how much we, the ladies, like hugs and glances, he might be talking about making love. If so, maybe some of the males could provide for him more specific ideas and/or information regarding the act of making love and our respiratory problems which might be an interferance. Hope I have not overstepped the boundaries here.
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Post by morningstar on Jul 29, 2007 10:54:39 GMT -5
Joyce,
Thats a good idea and I think it might help him also. But, Might I suggest it be one in Pm's and there wouldn't be any embarrassment. And allow them a little more freedom to each side . .
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Post by LindaNY on Jul 29, 2007 17:14:58 GMT -5
I didn't know whether to post this or not, but decided I will. I think it is possible that although Spike knows how much we, the ladies, like hugs and glances, he might be talking about making love. If so, maybe some of the males could provide for him more specific ideas and/or information regarding the act of making love and our respiratory problems which might be an interferance. Hope I have not overstepped the boundaries here. There are ways, but each of us needs to find what works best. Don't be afraid to think out of the box. |
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Post by John on Jul 29, 2007 18:35:24 GMT -5
Good point Joyce & Linda mt & Rose! I'm willing to take a pm. in that matter  I assure it would stay personal & confidential . |
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Post by LindaNY on Jul 29, 2007 18:58:09 GMT -5
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Post by LindaNY on Jul 29, 2007 19:06:19 GMT -5
Well that's not going to work. Click on the "A to Zs of living with COPD" and scroll down to page 163. Those issues are addressed quite well.
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Post by John on Jul 29, 2007 21:52:40 GMT -5
Linda mt ; I meant a pm from Spike to help him !I hope you didn't think I meant from the ladies Thanks for the reference. My reply was to Roses suggestion that Spike pm a male member of the forum  P. S. I just read excerpts form your reference I will definitely go back to it later Very Good! Thank You Linda Mt |
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Post by LindaNY on Jul 29, 2007 21:55:50 GMT -5
No problem John. When I was working as a Psychiatric Rehab counselor, we had groups on sexual disfunction. It doesn't bother me one bit.
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Post by cocojax on Jul 30, 2007 16:39:16 GMT -5
I have posted the information package that I received from the breathworks clinic in the copd section.
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Post by LindaNY on Jul 30, 2007 20:37:04 GMT -5
Thanks Ellen, I'm running right over to see it.
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Post by cocojax on Jul 31, 2007 16:28:57 GMT -5
Sorry guys I was having trouble uploading to photo bucket last night. Some of the information might be too much for some people, so as soon as I get it uploaded I will make it available on my Photobucket with a link.
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Post by LindaNY on Jul 31, 2007 16:43:56 GMT -5
I wondered why I didn't see it over there. Thanks Ellen.
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Post by cocojax on Aug 2, 2007 20:12:50 GMT -5
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Post by John on Aug 2, 2007 20:59:28 GMT -5
good job Ellen |
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Post by LindaNY on Aug 2, 2007 22:29:01 GMT -5
Yes, good job Ellen.
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. But then again he was never much for that anyway. But he cleans the house (just said he was gonna scrub the bathrooom so I dont have to today,) so that could be his idea of romance?? On the other hand, we have 5 kids, soon to be 6 grands and someone is always in and out of the house so we dont get much alone time. We dont do alot together, just sit around here, he is a home body these days. Like you, he can be watching tv, I can be on the puter, etc. But he is here instead of out with friends 24/7 like some guys (or gals) do. 
I assure it would stay personal & confidential .
