THE THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME

[morningstar]

Things My Mother Taught Me:

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION -
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me LOGIC -
"Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT -
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're
in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY -
"Keep crying and I'll *give* you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -
"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA -
"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER -
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times -
Don't Exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
"Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY -
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this
World who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

THANKS, MOM

[LindaNY]

that sounds like Mom.